5 important pieces of advice from Anne Marie’s book You Deserve Better
Agony Anne is back.
Anne-Marie has published her first-ever book, You Deserve Better, a self-help manual labelled ‘an imperfect guide to finding your happiness’. We may be used to seeing her on stage, but the pop star is no stranger to giving advice; she frequently uses her platform as a space for fans to talk and even hosts ‘Agony Anne‘ video sessions where she resolves anonymous problems.
It comes as no surprise to fans who know and love Anne-Marie for being a real and honest voice, speaking openly about mental health and issues that she personally struggles with. Her latest album is titled Therapy, after all. The record is her most relatable yet, with her journey towards healing providing comfort to thousands of people across the world.
Now the journey continues, with the new book providing an even deeper look into the musings of Anne-Marie’s mind. “Sometimes it feels so hard to love yourself. We worry that we’re not good enough or we’re being selfish if we take time to prioritise what we need. But self-love is so important and even if we’re our own biggest critic, it can be done! You deserve better,” the synopsis reads.
You Deserve Better “doesn’t give you fluffy promises about self-care”, but speaks honestly about body image, mental health, and more. Anne-Marie takes the simple tools that she’s discovered and turns them into real advice, sharing her experiences with readers to help them be happier in themselves and the world.
Don’t worry if you’re not a big reader, it was important to Anne-Marie for her book to be as accessible as possible to everyone. Her ADHD means she struggles with concentration, so she included personal drawings and illustrations throughout to provide a break from the text. There are also fun QR codes which link to videos, making the reading experience interactive. If you prefer listening, try giving the audiobook a go as she personally narrates it.
Here are my 5 favourite quotes.
You are in control
Everything can change and YOU can change it. It’s totally possible that if you work on yourself and you make the decision to change, one day you will feel completely different from the way you do right now. Because if I can do it, you definitely can. I used to blame everything the whole time on other people but now I understand that it’s not about other people making you feel that way, it’s about how you feel about yourself. You have to take responsibility for your emotions. Other people don’t make you feel anything – you control your reaction and outcome. You are in control of everything.
Be honest with yourself
If, like me, you find the phrase ‘mental health’ totally terrifying, then don’t worry – you’re not alone! All it means is that you’re prioritising looking after your brain just as you look after your physical health. Because mental health is in many ways invisible, I’d like you to promise me that from this point on, you’ll try not to hide your feelings – don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed, the way I used to. You’re allowed to have your feelings, whatever they are – whether you’re feeling strong and confident, or completely rubbish.
Write a love-letter to your body
Love your eyebrows. Love your nose. Love your lips. Love your chin. Love your cheeks. Love your eyes. Love your soul. Because YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. You are the only one with your face – isn’t that incredible? Work with what you have. Accept your beauty.
Beauty = being different and being different = perfection.
And while we’re at it, let’s get rid of this idea that you need to be ‘perfect’. Apparently, the dictionary says it’s: complete and correct in every way; without fault. Let’s redefine that. Because it’s impossible to be a ‘perfect person’. No one is without fault. No one is correct in every way. We are all full of bumps and lumps and cracks and mistakes – and that’s exactly as it should be.
Stop valuing yourself by other people’s opinions
Worrying what other people might be thinking about you is exhausting. Working with my therapist helped me see that I can’t control this. I can’t make everyone like me. And it’s 100 percent certain that not everyone will. But that’s OK. And why would I want everyone to like me? I mean – I don’t like everyone. Why do I expect everyone to like me? As soon as I realised this, I became happier.
It’s OK to leave a relationship if you’re not happy
For me, a lot of stuff got put into perspective when I thought about how short our lives really are. When you think about it, at most, we’re gonna have no more than eighty or ninety years on this earth. And that got me thinking, why the hell am I wasting time feeling like this in a relationship? Feeling sad and wondering whether it’s all there is? Realising how much of my short life bad relationships were taking up has made me think twice. Life is precious.
It’s OK to be single. It’s OK to get divorced. It’s OK to move on. It’s OK to be married. It’s OK not to be married. It’s OK to have children. It’s OK not to have children. What’s not OK is staying in a relationship where you’re not valued and appreciated.
You Deserve Better is available to buy here, including signed copies.